Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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