Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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