I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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