Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
