Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Someone came in the potted fern
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You are a genius and a whore.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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