i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
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nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
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But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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