How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Randomize
