I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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