when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
