What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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