9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
