May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
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