Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
It was confusing and full of hummus
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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