one two three fourrrrnication!
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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