Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
