Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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