I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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