I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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