smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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