I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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