im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
