He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
