You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
