That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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