We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
