that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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