from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
