This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
