grandma shit on top of the toilet
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
