dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i can't believe i had my finger in that
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
