I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
