Just cropdusted the office
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize