How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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