My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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