I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
