you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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