I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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