I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
