I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
