i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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