The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
