John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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