They should really pass out barf bags in church
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
