absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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