so that wasnt chicken after all
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
