Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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