My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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