If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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