just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
