i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
