Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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