is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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