She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize