Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
