Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
