census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
