Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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