ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
