dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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