It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
