I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
