so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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