i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
