Sponge bath it is.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
