you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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