did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
